Many people struggle with confidence, especially in social situations. The expression “I’m good at what I do, but I lack confidence” is one we frequently hear. What ought to I do? The most common term used is “social confidence.” Thousands of books have been written about this topic, but the real secret to long-lasting social confidence frequently goes unexplored. We will reveal the key component for enduring confidence in social situations in this blog post.
What is Social Confidence?
Social confidence can be described as:
- Walking into a room with “Presence” without feeling nervous.
- Being comfortable in your own skin.
- Talking naturally, flowing smoothly from one topic to another, and making friends effortlessly.
It’s the belief that you can talk to anyone and build connections. But what’s the key to achieving this?
The Key Ingredient: Where to Focus
Surprisingly, social confidence doesn’t stem from your actions, feelings, or appearance. These won’t help you maintain your confidence, though they might temporarily increase it. The essential component is knowing where to concentrate. When you focus on others instead of on yourself, you can develop lasting social confidence.
Focus on Others
You become “self-absorbed” when you are preoccupied with your thoughts, feelings, or appearance. This inward gaze causes less social interaction and more anxiety. However, you can sharpen your perception and boost your self-assurance by turning your attention to others.
Self-doubt can result from excessive self-focus, worrying about what to say or how you come across, and other similar behaviours. Many people attempt to sound smart by saying things that are ineffective. This conundrum is the result of excessive self-focus.
I often liken this to going to the movies. When we watch a show, we forget about our own performance and escape into someone else’s world. Our interactions with each other could be completely altered by this perspective change.
A Word of Caution
Focusing on others does not entail being preoccupied with their behaviour towards you, their responses to you, or their thoughts regarding you. That’s just a complicated way of understanding who we are—a subject for another day.
Make a Difference: Add Value
Helping others is a practical way to concentrate on them. According to British Columbian research, practising kindness can lessen social anxiety. Participants in the study experienced less stress and more supportive reactions from those around them when they placed a strong emphasis on helping others.
Here, I’d like to quote my Coach, Paritosh Pathak, who practices and teaches these skills through a program called MNP. He says – “True Networking = GI + VC.”
- GI – Genuine Interest
- VC – Value Creation
Conclusion: Embrace the Unspoken Key to Confidence
Self-absorption and self-promotion are not the routes to social confidence. It involves turning your attention to other people, showing a sincere interest in their lives, and adding value whenever you can. You not only create connections easily but also develop long-lasting social confidence by doing this.
This strategy flips the conventional notion of confidence on its head. It challenges us to focus more on the needs and experiences of others rather than on our own needs and concerns.
Never forget that developing relationships with those around you is the key to developing confidence rather than finding it within yourself. Accepting this unspoken truth will boost your social confidence.